spinofflive
collage4

Pop CultureAugust 17, 2017

Never forget the horniest biscuit ad this country has ever seen

collage4

Lucy Zee revisits the sensual Toffee Pops ad of the 90s starring Carlos Spencer and a whole lot of lust. 

The best factory produced, mid-range, supermarket shelf, chocolate coated cookie in New Zealand according to this statistically accurate twitter poll is:

I am going to be honest here guys, I was expecting Toffee Pops to win because this is what I was planning to write about but a tie is also fine. I’m going to pretend it’s fine.

The best shitty made trash cookie that you can buy in a supermarket, in my opinion, is the Toffee Pop. A plain biscuit with a thick caramel on top and coated completely in milk chocolate.

As a luxury cookie, you don’t get a huge amount in a packet, just enough to share with your favourite workmates – or to eat alone at home in one sitting after a slightly disappointing breakup. The first experience I had with Toffee Pops was watching this frightening ad in the early 90s:

That evil laugh haunted my childhood for years, until I was saved by the new Toffee Pops ad. It was the go-go 90s, the new millennium was fast approaching. Hair gel and lip liner was all the rage. Television advertising was arguably at its peak before a fast decline towards the 2010s, when streaming TV and file sharing was the new hottest illegal craze.

Back then, agencies had big budgets to create huge hype around their client’s products, products to sell to the someone the industry might call “the household shopper.” This person doesn’t necessarily earn all the money, but is most likely in charge of it and is usually also in charge of the running of the home. Traditionally, advertisers assumed this person to be the mum in a family or a single woman living on her own. She is 25-54 years old, loves to unwind, has a sweet tooth and enjoys romance and tasteful sexual situations.

It is true for this world that sex sells. With the success of this old Diet Coke ad and sensual Moccona heft meer mMmmmMmm ads, Toffee Pops also went with the rule and created their own sexy advert with pretty It boy, sports star Carlos Spencer. If you’re under 30, you’re probably thinking “Who?”

Imagine a mixture of Dan Carter and Sonny Bill Williams without the social media and a cheaper haircut.

The commercial starts off with a woman aged 25-54 years, unwinding in what looks like a very expensive house, satisfying her sweet tooth with a Toffee Pop.

Suddenly, Carlos Spencer walks in – abs first – wearing loose white undergarments and a silk robe. He saunters down a white staircase lined with open candles (fire hazard).

The scene is intoxicatingly erotic and heavy lidded, as it goes on, bosoms heave faster until the hallucinatory effects of the Toffee Pops wear off and the woman is confronted by the true form of her husband. Short, balding and portly, he is a far cry from the hairless marble-bodied Carlos Spencer.

End the most arousing television ad in the 90s. And if you were left wanting more, they also made the double Carlos ad for the Toffee Pop Extreme biscuit:

The ad was such a hit, Griffins went on to search for the next Toffee Pop Hunk of the Year. Many names were thrown into the competition from the public including Hercules’ Kevin Smith, Gold medalist Rob Wadell and young spunk Jeremy Wells (all of whom said no).

The promotion was so controversial there was even a formal complaint laid with the New Zealand Advertising Standards Authority stating that it was “offensive to men”.   

The latest Toffee Pops advert is far more family friendly. The days of erotic food and half naked athletes have made way for the new era of no-nonsense Steve Hansen commercials. In 2017, unsexy is the new sexy.

Keep going!
Screen Shot 2017-08-16 at 10.37.52 AM

Pop CultureAugust 17, 2017

Chartlander: What we were listening to the day Helen Clark became Prime Minister

Screen Shot 2017-08-16 at 10.37.52 AM

Every week Chartlander travels back through time, landing in a different year on the official New Zealand singles chart in the hopes of (re)discovering forgotten Top 40 gold. Today we go back to the last time the Labour Party came into power.

The day is November 27, 1999, and Helen Clark has just been elected New Zealand’s 37th prime minister. Tomorrow, for the first time in nine years, New Zealand will wake up under a Labour government. The official singles chart is awash with subliminal political messages.

S Club 7’s ‘Bring It All Back’ (#3) has galvanised New Zealand voters to ‘bring [the country] back’ to the left of the political spectrum. The jibberish lyrics of Eiffel 65’s ‘Blue’ (#2) have critically undermined National’s credibility. The sentiment of Ronan Keating’s ‘When You Say Nothing At All’ (#14) has directly influenced the voter turnout, which was 3.51% lower than the previous general election.

New Zealand will not change the government for another nine years, when John Key is elected on the 8th of November 2008. Only two artists feature on both election day charts: Britney Spears (‘Crazy’; ‘Womanizer’) and Kid Rock (‘Cowboy’; ‘All Summer Long’). While Britney appeared on the charts frequently throughout Labour’s nine year reign, 2008’s ‘All Summer Long’ was Kid Rock’s first – and only – appearance in the New Zealand singles chart since ‘Cowboy’ in 1999.

Kid Rock is this country’s only reliable musical agent of political change. The evidence is clear. If we want to change the government at this year’s general election, we need to get him back into the charts.

☝️ Number One

Deep Obsession – ‘One & Only’

The third consecutive number one hit for this country’s greatest ever Eurodance act, and the end of their brief golden run. Singer-songwriters Zara Clark and Vanessa Kelly and producers Christopher Banks and Michael Lloyd broke the record for consecutive number one singles with what began as an after-hours recording project at Auckland’s More FM studios. Their one and only (sorry) album Infinity would end up getting remixed by Brian Rawling, the British producer who brought autotune to the mainstream with Cher’s 1998 hit ‘Believe’.

Soundalike alert: The pre-chorus line (“You won’t be alone when I get to you”) sounds a lot like the pre-chorus line in Savage Garden’s 1996 single ‘I Want You’ (“You won’t know what hit you when I get to you”).

???? Best Bets

#7: Mariah Carey – ‘Heartbreaker’ (feat. Jay Z)

Easily overlooked amidst Mariah Carey’s hundreds of other hits, which makes it the perfect choice to chuck on the Friday drinks playlist circa-2017. ‘Heartbreaker’ features on 1999’s Rainbow album twice; the remix with Da Brat and Missy Elliott is as good, if not better than the original – it depends on how much you like Jay-Z.

Sample alert: This version is built around a sample from ‘Attack of the Name Game,’ a 1982 rap by teen singing sensation Stacy Lattisaw.

#15: Jennifer Lopez – ‘Waiting For Tonight’

Arriving in the final months of the 1990s, ‘Waiting For Tonight’ makes a strong case for being the decade’s last great dance pop hit. With one foot in the late-’90s disco revival and another back with earlier acts like Real McCoy and La Bouche, it should be an essential part of any ’90s playlist. In the video, JLo attends a euphoric Y2K New Year’s Eve countdown rave.

Language alert: There is also a Spanish version, ‘Una Noche Más’.

#36 LFO – ‘Summer Girls’

This is one of the dumbest songs ever written, and against all odds it just keeps getting better with age. In 100 years time it’s unlikely anyone will know the songs of the Spice Girls, Alanis Morrissette or Radiohead; the only song from the 1990s anyone will still want to listen to will be the one that starts: “New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hit / Chinese food makes me sick.”

Interpolation alert: Eminem interpolated ‘Summer Girls’ in an angry rap on 2000’s The Marshall Mathers LP.

???? Major Artist, Minor Hit

#33 Brandy – ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It For You’

A massive Bryan Adams hit from just eight years before seems like a weird choice of cover, but then Brandy (and Ray J!) also covered Phil Collins’ ‘Another Day in Paradise’ a couple of years later. Either she’s a genuine fan of AOR balladry (if so, fair enough) or she got given some very questionable cover song advice. This was the final track on 1998’s Never Say Never; the album’s sixth single, it was only ever released in New Zealand and Australia.

Cover alert: Bryan Adams’ raspy original from the Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves soundtrack spent 8 weeks at #1 in 1991.

???? Wildcard

#29 Nicolette – Blue Day

After making an album (and subsequently breaking up) with Deep Obsession, Christopher Banks tried to repeat the magic with a new singer called Nicolette. Also an actor and professional stuntwoman on Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules, she recorded two singles – this cover of a 1983 Mi-Sex single and an original called ‘Harden Up’, which was moderately successful in Australia.

Cover alert: The Mi-Sex version of ‘Blue Day’ peaked at # 36, Nicolette’s version reached #20, making the indisputably superior version.

???? Erotic Expo

#4 Bloodhound Gang – ‘The Bad Touch’

Somewhere out there exists a person or a couple who unironically put this on every time they have sex. Imagine that. Imagine having sex to this song.

???? Trendwatch

Mambos

It is highly unlikely there has ever been a week with more mambos in the New Zealand singles charts. While Lou Bega’s ‘Mambo Number 5’ (#5 this week and already triple platinum) has gone on to become a bona fide party essential, Shaft’s ‘Mucho Mambo’ (#31) has been largely forgotten outside of the international mambo community. If we also count Marc Anthony’s ‘I Need to Know’ (#26) that’s three mambos in the top 50, a full 6% of the chart.

???????? Kiwi Flagbearers

Total this week: 7

Deep Obsession and Nicolette carry the flag for the pop community but they are still outnumbered by the rock community: Eye TV are at #32 with ‘Just The Way It Is’, Shihad at #34 with ‘My Mind’s Sedate’, and Breathe at #50 with ‘Landslide’ (not a Fleetwood Mac cover). Meanwhile, 4% of this week’s chart is made up of Rungas – Bic’s American Pie duet with the guy from Semisonic is #24 and Boh’s band Stellar* are at #47 with ‘Undone’.

???? Cover Art of the Week

#27 Moloko – Sing It Back

Look at this crackup dog! What’s it doing on the cover of a sophisticated dance pop single? Get outta there ya mongrel!


The Spinoff’s music content is brought to you by our friends at Spark. Listen to all the music you love on Spotify Premium, it’s free on all Spark’s Pay Monthly Mobile plans. Sign up and start listening today.