A map of Auckland with some of its fake suburbs crossed out.
Design: Archi Banal.

SocietyNovember 1, 2023

Hear me out: Auckland has too many suburbs

Staff Writer
A map of Auckland with some of its fake suburbs crossed out.
Design: Archi Banal.

When people questioned the legitimacy of my new suburb, I set out to find all the other fake suburbs in Auckland.

I recently moved to the Auckland suburb of Waterview, but several people I told – all lifelong Aucklanders who had lived or worked nearby – were unaware the suburb existed. They asked questions like “Isn’t that Point Chev?” and “Are you just moving to Mount Albert?” One even called Waterview a fake suburb. As a Waterview patriot, I huffed and puffed that it is genuine and not a phoney place like Australia. 

People questioning the legitimacy of Waterview made me wonder which Auckland suburbs could be considered fake, and there are many. With an incoming cut-hungry National-led government plus mayor Wayne Brown’s wish to streamline Auckland, now is the perfect time to reduce the number of Supercity suburbs – starting by removing the fake ones. Tāmaki Makaurau already has too many suburbs as it is without the added murkiness of barely-there postcodes.

The definition of a suburb is super arbitrary, and often, their boundaries are too. So, for the greater good of Tāmaki Makaurau-Auckland, I will arbitrarily deregister several so-called suburbs once and for all in the name of cuts and efficiency. 

Fake because they’re part of real suburbs

Anywhere named something heights or something south

What differentiates Albany Heights or south from Albany proper? Nothing really, so they’re both fake. The same goes for Orewa Heights, Pakuranga Heights, etc. “Avondale Heights is some bullshit,” says Spinoff video producer and Avondale (proper) resident Natalie Wilson. Roskill South is another example. It’s just Roskill’s richer residents trying to seem bougie by looking down on their neighbours down Dominion Road. If you want to seem posh, just say you live in Hillsborough!

Arch Hill

This fake suburb is just Grey Lynn and Ponsonby. Googling Arch Hill returns the address: Arch Hill, Grey Lynn, Auckland, 1021. 

Balmoral

All due respect to Balmoral School – with the country’s greatest student journalists and a legendary principal in Malcolm Milner – but the suburb the kura is named after is fake. Wedged between Mount Eden, Mount Roskill and Sandringham, Balmoral is part of those three real suburbs. For example, the streets between Dominion Road and Sandringham Road are just Sandringham. 

Conifer Grove

This fake suburb is to Takanini (which in itself is fake, but more on that later) what Roskill South is to real Roskill. Its address – Conifer Grove, Takanini, Auckland, 2112 – proves it’s part of Takanini, whose main shops are about half a metre from so-called Conifer Grove. Adding insult to injury, the cultural institution of Lollipops inside Conifer Grove is the Takanini branch.

Highbury

The Birkenhead shops have done nothing to deserve being an independent suburb (Highbury). 

Karaka Harbourside and Karaka Lakes

Karaka is already one of South Auckland’s bougiest suburbs, so why do little sections of it need to try to become even bougier by staking their claims as its harbourside or lakebound cousins? It’s just unnecessary! I’ve never heard anybody say “welcome to Karaka Lakes” while exiting the motorway off-ramp 200 metres from this fake suburb – it’s just Karaka, for god’s sake.

Morningside

It’s tough for The Spinoff to include Morningside since our office is in this fake (and frankly tiny) suburb – but the argument for Morningside’s fakeness is strong. Nothing genuinely distinguishes Morningside from its neighbours, and when I explain to people where our office is, they enlighten me that it is, in fact, in Kingsland. Recent additions to Morningside (like a number of bars, cafes, offices and even a recording studio) may see it soon become a real suburb with an identity distinguishable from its neighbours.

Newton

Newton is the only fake suburb I feel sympathy for because it was legit before being obliterated by the construction of the motorway spaghetti junction. It’s hard for anywhere decimated in a mid-20th-century wet dream to maintain its official suburb status – but Newton tried (kind of). Newton Central School still stands, but little else stakes a claim as being in Newton. Even the branches of two respected cultural authorities within Newton’s rohe – Bunnings and McDonalds – are their Grey Lynn outfits. 

Owairaka

Owairaka’s address on Google is: Owairaka, Mount Albert, Auckland, 1025. Most of Owairaka is definitely Mount Albert, and some is Mount Roskill and Sandringham. It is one street from Roskill’s Stoddard Road shops and Mount Albert’s Alberton House, plus inside its boundary includes the likes of Mount Albert Reserve. 

Saint Mary’s Bay

Saint Mary’s Bay may be Auckland’s fakest suburb. Just because there is a hospice and school named Saint Mary’s doesn’t mean this is a suburb. It only covers a measly 0.84 square kilometres and has a population only double that of the school that shares its name. This fake suburb is part of Freemans Bay, Herne Bay and Ponsonby. 

Three Lamps

Three Lamps is eerily similar to Saint Mary’s Bay. They share an overlapping rohe, and Freemans Bay, Herne Bay and Ponsonby surround both. Three Lamps is just Ponsonby’s northern edge. Plus, nowhere with such a boring name should be an independent suburb – Three Lamps is literally named after a streetlight. 

The Three Lamps, Ponsonby, Auckland, circa 1905, Dunedin, by Muir & Moodie. Te Papa (C.011042)
The streetlight in question, pictured here in 1905. Are these three lamps iconic enough to section off part of Ponsonby in their honour? (Photo: Muir & Moodie. Te Papa (C.011042))

Wattle Downs

Wattle Downs is “trying too hard not to be Manurewa”, said Reddit user Johnny_Truman in a post titled “In your view what is the worst suburb in Auckland and why?“. “I live here,” they said, “and it’s just quiet old rich people.” The type of people that might refuse to acknowledge they live in working-class suburbs like Manurewa. 

West Lynn

Apologies to Saint Mary’s Bay, but West Lynn is Auckland’s fakest suburb. Its fakeness is highlighted by borrowing half its name from Grey Lynn – the legit local suburb. There is no east, north or south Lynn, so why have West Lynn? What’s more, Grey Lynn Woolworths is marginally to the northwest of so-called West Lynn. What’s with parts of Grey Lynn, Herne Bay and Ponsonby claiming their independence?

Windy Ridge

Official address: Windy Ridge, Glenfield, Auckland, 0629.

Fake because they’re spelt wrong

Paerata/Paerātā Rise

The correct spelling of Paerata/Paerātā is Paeraataa. Many Manukau ahikaa prefer the double vowel, locally-relevant spelling over the homogenised macron use enforced from Wellington. For this reason, Paerata and Paerātā Rise are both fake Auckland suburbs until the correct spelling is restored.

Some incorrect Manukau place names. (Design: Archi Banal)

Takanini

Like Paeraataa, the correct spelling of this area – Takaanini – uses double vowels. Its named after Ihaka Takaanini, a great 19th-century Waiohua chief, and he spelt (as his descendants still do) his name with two As. I refuse to recognise Takanini as an actual suburb until the correct spelling is adopted, and I will give you zero sympathy if you don’t know what I mean when I use the correct long vowel pronunciation.

Fake because it’s just fake

Chelsea

Having a sugar factory and a park (and nothing else) does not make you a suburb. 

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Special mentions

Eden Terrace

Initially, I biasedly refused to include Eden Terrace – I used to live there with my parents behind the gloriously bright yellow Golf Warehouse. But I can’t omit Eden Terrace if I’ve shit on its neighbours Arch Hill and Newton. Sorry to my parents, but Eden Terrace is fake.

Newmarket

Newmarket is just one giant set of traffic lights and not an actual suburb. Broadway, just over one kilometre long, has nine sets of traffic lights – ridiculous! 

Waterview

I begrudgingly include my suburb in this list since it has similarities to other entries. Like Saint Mary’s Bay, Waterview is tiny, covering only 1.12 square kilometres and populated by a bit under 4,000 people – who frequent its one bakery, single (great) cafe, sole dairy and lone laundromat. Same as Newton, a decent chunk of Waterview was destroyed to build a motorway. And similar to Three Lamps, Waterview has an incredibly dull, literal name. (Sorry to my neighbours, please don’t bring your dogs to shit on my lawn.)

Do you live in a fake suburb and want it included in this esteemed list? Make your case at info@thespinoff.co.nz.

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Keep going!
An Auckland bus lane at dusk
Car owners will see their costs increase as RUC and petrol taxes go up(Image: Getty Images)

SocietyNovember 1, 2023

Auckland Transport’s $150 bus lane fines ‘grossly unfair’, says councillor

The Bulletin editor
An Auckland bus lane at dusk
Car owners will see their costs increase as RUC and petrol taxes go up(Image: Getty Images)

Manurewa Local Board chair Glenn Murphy says there should be leniency for first-time offenders, such as the constituent he’s helping who is in no position to pay the steep $150 fine, he tells Stewart Sowman-Lund.

An Auckland Council local board chair has criticised council-controlled organisation Auckland Transport for what he calls “heavy-handed” and “grossly unfair” fines, and is hoping the new government will step in.

Anyone caught driving in a bus lane for more than its final 50 metres can be pinged $150. As detailed by The Spinoff earlier in the year, that’s well above the standard fine for other offences, such as overstaying in a regular car park (as little as $12) or even parking in a bus lane ($60). At the top end of the spectrum, an overdue registration or warrant of fitness brings with it a $200 fine.

Some bus and special vehicle lanes have pulled in millions of dollars in fines. Figures released to The Spinoff showed that from July 2021 to April this year, of Auckland’s 10 highest-earning bus lanes, eight had brought in more than $1.5 million each. A single lane in Auckland’s Newmarket made close to $8m from 53,000 infringements over that time period.

Meanwhile, a lane on Queen Street situated next to ongoing roadworks has also proved profitable. At one point, it was making about $18,000 every single day of operation.

Glenn Murphy, who is the chairperson of the Manurewa Local Board, told The Spinoff he’d been approached by a constituent who had received a $150 fine for making a turn into a bus lane in Puhinui, near Papatoetoe.

“A hundred and fifty dollars for driving 51 metres in an empty bus lane seems like an exorbitant amount,” Murphy told The Spinoff. “It’s cheaper to exceed the speed limit by 10 kilometres per hour than to drive at the correct speed one metre too far in a special lane.”

In the case of his constituent, Murphy said they had simply made a “mistake” as they were driving in an unfamiliar part of Auckland. “You don’t manage to take in all the various signs, you’re just following Google Maps saying ‘turn left’,” he said.

“I did write to [Auckland Transport] and say the circumstances [of the constituent]. They said ‘nah, we’ve reviewed it’.” 

Murphy said it was all well and good for someone from AT “earning $100k a year or whatever they’re raking in” to suggest the fine was appropriate. But in this particular case, his constituent just wasn’t in a position to pay $150. “It seems a little bit heartless on their first offence to not say ‘it’s a warning this time’.” 

(Image: Tina Tiller, data: AT)

In a follow-up email sent to Auckland Transport, and seen by The Spinoff, Murphy decried the “very unfortunate dealings” his constituent had had “with the stone-cold AT mega-corporation’s compliance department” and provided more specific dealings about their situation. At the time of writing, Murphy had not received a response.

Previously, Auckland Transport has said that fines accrued from bus lanes weren’t about making money. “Our primary consideration is the effectiveness of our transport system – revenue is not our focus,” a spokesperson told RNZ last year. 

AT’s group manager of parking services, John Strawbridge, expanded on this in comments to The Spinoff in May. “Our compliance activities are focused on ensuring our transport system can operate efficiently and that our city’s transport and parking assets are being used fairly and equitably,” he said.

Murphy didn’t buy that and said he believed the system was “grossly unfair” for drivers. “I think they should be able to give some leniency. If you’re a repeat offender after you’ve been given a warning, I think it’s fairer to say ‘right, I’ll ping you $50, you do it again, $100’, and then it will rank it up to $150 if you’re ignoring the rules. 

“Most of these people are just going somewhere for the first time – and they get these horrid letters saying ‘150 bucks thanks’.”

Asked for comment, Auckland Transport’s head of parking compliance Rick Bidgood told The Spinoff that requests for fine reviews were looked at on a “case-by-case” basis. Evidence of the offence would be taken into account along with “the member of the public’s rationale for enabling the offence to take place”, he said.

Infringement fees were set at a national level and once an offence had been issued it became a legal document. “Adjudication holds the legal delegation to review and, in some cases, exempt,” said Bidgood. “In some cases, with multiple offences, AT may enter into an agreement with the member of the public on how many are paid and if exempting any is suitable in this case.”

Murphy found it hard to understand why Auckland Transport didn’t have control over setting infringement costs. He had approached Simeon Brown, the likely next minister of transport, and hoped his “commonsense” approach would see him adjust the rules once in government. “He’s a Manurewa boy, he knows the hardship of a number of people here,” said Murphy.

Brown did not respond to The Spinoff’s request for comment. A National Party spokesperson said: “National first has to form a government and appoint ministers.”

An earlier review of parking penalties, which included fines for driving in bus lanes, had been initiated by the outgoing government but was, ironically, stalled earlier in the year due to the cost of living crisis.

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Society