spinofflive
Image: Archi Bana
Image: Archi Bana

SocietyJune 24, 2023

How I learned to (properly) love my clothes

Image: Archi Bana
Image: Archi Bana

Overcoming the urge to endlessly consume requires forming real, genuine relationships with your clothes, writes Janhavi Gosavi.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle is the sustainability jingle I used to mindlessly hum. 

I pride myself on purchasing most of my clothes secondhand and wearing them for years, ticking off the “recycle” and “reuse” boxes. But, like many people I know, I have been failing to “reduce” the rate at which I consume clothing. 

I self-identify as a Material Girl and will never be a Marie Kondo-certified minimalist. While I don’t go on elaborate spending sprees and buy a new wardrobe for every season, I do have much more than my fair share of clothing. Collecting trinkets scratches an itch in my brain.  

In the past, battling overconsumption was … a battle. It involved a lot of umm-ing and ahh-ing at pretty garments on a rack before scolding myself for being gluttonous. In moments of desperation, I created online shopping accounts and filled my carts to the brim, with no intention of proceeding to checkout, just to feel something. 

The issue wasn’t that I didn’t have enough clothes, it’s that I failed to find satisfaction in what I already owned. 

That changed once I replaced my old urge to buy new clothes with a new urge to take care of my old clothes. It was the clothing equivalent of feeling hungry as an adult and admitting to myself there was food at home. 

I speak to Genevieve Rae, a textile designer based in Pōneke, who supported my new coping mechanism. The best way to build a relationship with your clothes, she says, is to actively engage with them. When you spend your days knocking tasks off of a to-do list, little time is left to truly see objects, let alone give them respect or care. Mending holes and replacing buttons adds a personal touch to an otherwise mass produced item. 

Rae applies multispecies philosophy to designing sustainable mycelium materials in her Masters in Design at Te Herenga Waka—Victoria University of Wellington. She describes multispecies philosophy as a framework to think about how different entities interact with each other and impact the ecosystem they all exist within. 

In this case, the ecosystem is my bedroom, and the entities include myself and all of my clothes, shoes and rogue bits of jewellery. Rae conceptualises these entities – inanimate objects included – as having agency. “You can try to control your clothes as much as you want to … but realistically they will morph and deteriorate and change over time,” she explains. 

Photo: Getty Images

Ecosystems require relationships to be symbiotic; my clothes provide for me, so I must provide for them. 

On a sunny Sunday, I make plans with my white tees. Stain remover, bluing liquid, warm wash, cold rinse, air dry. Cleaned by hand, delicate but thorough. With the colder months settling in, I round up my jumpers and use a worn out razor to shave any piling off. For those of us busy with work or taking care of whānau, Rae insists that practising gratitude towards your possessions doesn’t have to be time consuming. 

When disposing of your belongings, you could do a quick ritual for them. At the start of the year, I let go of a small leather wallet I had used everyday since I was 17. For my quick ritual, I held my wallet in my hands, memorising the shape of it, and felt the urge to take a photo before throwing it away. 

Rae tells me to kick it up a notch. “Get crazy with it and talk to your things. Personify them, sing a song to them, give them life force.” 

It’s easy for me to attribute life force to an object made of visibly natural resources. I can look at a straw hat or a cotton shirt and visualise its entire life cycle. It’s hard to relate to clothes made from plastic. While plastic comes from raw materials like coal and crude oil, I can’t conceptualise its creation or destruction. The only emotion I feel when I look at a pair of nylon pants is the dread that they will wind up in a landfill and refuse to die. 

strewn textiles in a big pile
A pile of discarded clothing and textiles in Jakarta, Indonesia (Photo: Getty Images)

Just because I throw those pants away, doesn’t mean they cease to exist. My pants’ synthetic threads are more durable than my flesh and bones. We will both someday be buried and forgotten; I will be absorbed by the earth while my shirt slowly breaks down into microplastics, distant but not gone. That brutal reminder makes me cringe away from enticing window displays at fast fashion stores. 

Buying clothes en mass felt like I was going on a string of first dates with a bunch of strangers, without pursuing any of them further. The more garments I had, the more choices I had and the fewer times I wore each individual garment. My attraction to them remained superficial because I kept them at arm’s length. 

Buying fewer clothes and wearing garments more often feels like intentionally picking one person to go on a second, third, and fourth date with. A deeper connection blossoms because I’ve gotten to know them better. 

I have two suede skirts; one’s a stranger, one’s a partner. 

The stranger is deep maroon with gold hardware, fresh off the rack from Forever New. She hangs pristine in a garment bag. I never reach for her. 

The two skirts (Images: Janhavi Gosavi)

The friend is heavy and black, salvaged from the Salvation Army for $14. I spent an hour gently spot cleaning the stains off of her with an old toothbrush, and sprayed on three coats of suede protector. While I waited for the layers to dry, I looked up the “Ashley Fogel” tag. 

Fogel was a well-established New Zealand designer who started his self-titled label after 40 years in the fashion business. He was forced to shut down his Miramar factory in 2012 after Wellington’s rising rents and competition from overseas retailers made running an independent label unsustainable. Today, Fogel’s pieces can only be found in secondhand boutiques and op-shops. Every time I wear my black suede skirt, I feel like I’m carrying a piece of Wellington’s fashion history with me. 

My room is dotted with clothes I’ve mended in some way. Cardigans with reinforced buttons, dresses with shortened straps. I like running my fingers over the botched stitching. The alterations might be janky but they’re my fuckups, and I love my clothes more for them. There is nothing more Material Girl than being so attached to your clothes, you simply won’t part with them for anything, no matter how new and shiny and potentially-on-sale it is. 

‘He mea tautoko nā ngā mema atawhai. Supported by our generous members.’
Liam Rātana
— Ātea editor
Keep going!
Want to be a ‘cool’ customer? Tip real money. (Image: Archi Banal)
Want to be a ‘cool’ customer? Tip real money. (Image: Archi Banal)

SocietyJune 23, 2023

How to be the perfect strip club guest

Want to be a ‘cool’ customer? Tip real money. (Image: Archi Banal)
Want to be a ‘cool’ customer? Tip real money. (Image: Archi Banal)

Gabi Lardies chats to strippers around the country to bring you this handy guide to strip club etiquette. 

Tonight, on Karangahape Road, visitors to BODYHAUS will pause at the “safer space portal” on their way in. A host will hand them a sticker, and then explain the rules of the house. With the stickers still clinging on their pointed fingers, guests will ask any questions they have. Then, the host will ask the guests to take their phones out, turn them around, and place the sticker over the camera lens. Only then will the guests be allowed to climb the narrow stairs and enter the dark room, a silver pole rising out of the stage in its centre.

This is an unusual and exceptional way to enter a strip club. Guests usually stumble in with little knowledge of good strip club etiquette, and the club rules tend to be printed on A4 pieces of paper taped to a dark wall. Sometimes, the door person or bouncer will rattle off the basics – don’t touch, and do tip. “Mainstream strip clubs could do better,” says Kyah Dove, a member of the BODYHAUS collective and veteran stripper, “but it’s also the culture that needs to change”.

Bodyhaus on Auckland’s Karangahape Road. (Photo: Nicole Hunt)

Katara, who recently quit stripping, says that a lot of people refuse to listen to the rules or, if they do listen, don’t take them very seriously. “People too easily forget what their job is as a customer when there’s sexy, naked, women walking around everywhere. These girls are walking around naked and they’re creating this magical environment. It’s a privilege to be in the club.” 

So how can those who find themselves suddenly transported to a magical world filled with sexy, naked people walking around, be a good guest?

Be generous

“I think the main thing is to realise that the girls don’t get paid an hourly wage. So they’re performing for tips. And if you don’t tip them, they get nothing. The entrance fee only goes towards the club,” says Anna, who can do the splits upside down while spinning on the pole. “Only go if you’re willing to spend some money.”

“The strip club is a luxury. It’s not a charity,” says Vixen Temple. She’s a stripper, entertainer and advocate, both a member of Fired Up Stilettos and on the board of the New Zealand Prostitutes Collective. “Think about it like this, you’re performing on stage for about 10 minutes. You’re wearing seven-inch heels, you’re covered in makeup, sweaty and hot. You’re getting naked for strangers. Does it sound like you’d want to be paid $2?” 

Vixen recommends paying every dancer at least $10, and using real cash if you want to be a “cool” patron. “If patrons tip real cash, the strippers keep 100% of that.”

It’s also important to tip widely, Katara points out. “Every single girl in this space is creating the atmosphere that is the strip club, creating the spectacle of having beautiful nude or semi-nude women walking around and creating this magical energy. And you’re in this environment.” 

If money isn’t abundant in your life it is still possible to be a good guest, says Wellington-based stripper Melody. “Have one drink, set yourself a budget of 50 or a hundred bucks, or whatever. Tip every dancer, and then when your money runs out, you can leave, and you’ve had your strip club experience. You’ve got to see some dances, you probably got to have chats with a couple of dancers. You don’t have to stay all night, it can be really fun for half an hour.”

The crowd goes wild at Bodyhaus. (Photo: Māhia – @eyesofkaos)

Strip clubs are for stripping

“​​We deal with so much coercion from customers to do full service,” says Katara. “We simply don’t do that.”

Look, don’t touch

“She doesn’t want to be touched. You can get in a lot of trouble for doing that, you will probably get kicked out,” says Anna. This also applies to private and lap dances, and it’s the same for everyone. Instead of touching without consent, sit back and let the professionals do their job. “Let her take you for the ride that you paid for,” says Anna. “If you keep interrupting that, it’s just going to be kind of shit, because you’re not letting them entertain you.”

When Katara has customers that have tried to push boundaries in the past, she says it makes the job a lot harder. “You spend your whole time on edge, you spend your time clenching your body, because you’re afraid that they’re just gonna randomly grab or insert themselves somewhere in you. And you’re like, this could very quickly become assault, or rape. A lot of the time, we have to not think about those words in our heads.”

Smell nice

“It’s a basic one, but, for real, sometimes I’m mindboggled,” says Kyah. “It’s real easy – anyone should be able to have a shower before you go, and come fresh. I would put in the effort.”

Pay attention

Kyah says it is easy to tell who is entering the space with intention. “You’re gonna feel that they have a lot more appreciation for you and the space, and it’s just a nicer energy,” she says. “Sometimes people go into strip clubs, and they’re, like, ‘all the girls look like, depressed or something.’ It’s because literally all the customers are just talking to each other, or just not really there to actually watch and be in the presence of beautiful, powerful, sexy, people.”

Anna, who has had the misfortune of performing while people ignore her and make out with their boyfriend or girlfriend instead, says “prioritise, and realise the performance isn’t about you – it’s about the stripper.” She also prefers that people don’t yell and shout and act boisterous while she is performing, and doesn’t need other women to shout “you go girl!”

‘You’re wearing seven inch heels, you’re covered in makeup… Does it sound like you want to be paid $2?’. (Image: Getty)

Play along

“We’re here to have a fun, surreal time, you know?” says Anna. “I think Kiwis demand authenticity from people at all times, and it can be quite exhausting. I wish they’d relax when someone’s playing a role.” Strip clubs are slices of fantasy so, if a stripper tells you her name, don’t ask what her ‘real’ name is. “It’s just unnecessary and rude,” says Kyah. “We have stripping names for privacy and safety. And it’s also cool and fun.”

Melody adds that understanding and respecting those boundaries are essential. “No, I’m not giving you my number. No, I’m not going to get a drink with you next week.”

Have proper conversations

“If you’re gonna go to a club, a girl is going to come talk to you,” says Anna. “Treat them like a pretty girl that you have a crush on. Ask them what their hobbies are, what their star sign is. Ask them how their night is going.” But don’t fret too much, because “most strippers will be coming over to you with a plan – they’re not just gonna sit there like a fucking ning-nong.”

Essentially, that plan is to sell you something – a lap dance, private dance, spa booking, or wherever else is on offer. “Be direct and honest,” says Anna. “If you’re not interested in lap dance, you can just say, ‘you’re welcome to sit and talk to me, but I’m not gonna go for a dance,’” says Anna. “That way, the stripper won’t waste their time on you if they need to hustle.”

Also remember to make eye contact and actually engage in proper conversation. Katara recalls some instances where customers “talk to you like you’re a wall” instead of a human. “Your eyes aren’t looked into a lot of the time. And you can tell that people aren’t listening to what you’re saying,” she says. “We’re not considered people.” Don’t do that.

Put the phone away

In the three years Melody’s been stripping, people taking videos on their phones has become more common. It can sometimes happen three times a night – “suddenly you hear a girl screaming across the club, and you know exactly what she’s saying. She’s seen someone with their phone out.”

Club rules on phones are inconsistent, but none allow recording of the dancers. If you need to get your phone out, it can always be done in the reception area or outside. If it is allowed inside, Melody suggests keeping it down flat on a surface, so that the camera lens is covered.

Be a role model

“If you see a customer that has been disrespectful or not tipping, be the person that helps show the other customers how it’s done,” says Vixen. “A lot of strippers get fined if they tell customers off for being disrespectful. So if you want to go in there and impress the strippers, then stick up for us.”

Support stripper’s labour rights

Both Vixen and Melody are members of Fired Up Stilettos, which formed after 19 dancers were told, via Facebook post, to “come and collect their stuff” by Calendar Girls in Wellington. Their transgression? Sending a collective email asking to negotiate a recent change to the percentage of their tips the club was taking. The group have taken their cause all the way to the Beehive, and have a parliamentary petition closing on Sunday. You can sign it here, and begin your journey to being a good strip club guest right now!