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Pop CultureOctober 23, 2018

Married at First Sight NZ power rankings: Good news, love is mostly dead

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From deep within her grave, Alex Casey delivers the power rankings for week four on Married at First Sight NZ.

Honestly, liquidate my heart, pour it into a Soda Stream, blast it with ice cold fizz and pour it out in the Adrenalin Forest, because I just can’t take this anymore. We are nearly at the end of the Married at First Sight NZ journey, and even a bespoke Samuel Levi watch won’t give us enough time to process whatever the fuck just happened. Before we get onto the madness, I’d like to give a special shout out to Three for this seamless episode crossover.

We’ve covered a lot this week – commitment ceremonies, dinner parties, vow renewals, the almighty reunion. It’s a lot to absorb and I think, story-wise, the MAFSNZ overlords have made a massive mistake cramming it all into 90 minute episodes, three nights a week. As time bends and moments get mushed together, the stakes feel lower and the facade more and more obvious. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t cry four (4) times though!!!!! I’m only a human just like Julia’s cat!!!!

All aboard the almighty log flume of love.

7) Wayne and Ksenia

They began the week, unsurprisingly, in dire straits. Which is fitting, because their dice really was loaded from the start. And I bet. And they exploded into my heart. It’s no surprise these two have been super cranky with each other, given all they have been eating is delicious, nutritious Tip Top white bread. Hmm, unless it’s for the ducks? Questions. Quandaries. 

“Do you like me?” he asked Ksenia, sunglasses on head glinting in quiet rage. “I don’t dislike you at all,” she replied. Despite opening up about her absent father at the dinner party, Wayne remained exasperated that she didn’t know his entire job history. He wore his hot dog socks to the commitment ceremony, but it was not enough.

The pair called it quits, both deciding to leave the experiment after Wayne refused to take photos of Ksenia under a beautiful tree in Cornwall Park. He’s off to find his perfect woman now, even if it means he has to go to Antarctica. Hey, Wayne, here’s a head start.

As it turns out, Wayne HAS found the love of his life, but more about that slightly later.

6) Ottie and Gareth

Again, this week we saw nearly nothing of New Zealand’s own Harley Quinn and Joker (Jared Leto edition, obviously). At the dinner party, Ottie said that “Crom” was beautiful which feels like a jailable abbreviation offence, until I realised that she was actually talking about Crom (fictional deity). According to Wikipedia “Crom doesn’t care if individuals live or die, and he despises weakness, therefore the name of Crom is typically only invoked during an oath or curse.”

The curse came soon after during Question Time, when Ottie refused to ask Gareth a particular question on the cue cards. She said it was something they had already discussed, and something that she wanted to keep private. But then this little teaser regarding the subject matter happened.

I’m sorry but, as an investigative journalist. I can’t leave this alone. Starts with A, sensitive in nature, not for sharing in a public forum? Folks, there’s only one answer here… it’s Ass Cream. Or… this? 

We may never find out what the real question was, because Gareth and Ottie also called it quits at the commitment ceremony the next day. The sticking point of her not wanting to have kids proved to be an immovable one, and she insinuated that Gareth was a bit sexist which seems unlikely because he has a huge woman face tattooed on the back of his head but OK??? Also extremely bold of her to write “GO” instead of the customary “stay” or “leave”.

Some people just want to watch the world burn.

5) Julia and Dave

Oh my god, there is so much to talk about here. At the start of the week I had planned a 1500 word, frame-by-frame analysis of the moment that Dave held up Julia by her bum cheeks, and then jiggled said bum cheeks, but I’ll have to simply break it down into four words: this was fucking crazy.

Also her cat eats with its hands like a human. Also she attributed this inspirational quote to herself. Also her friend looks like Ray Romano and I love it.

The amount of time we, as a nation, have spent listening to and thinking about whether or not Julia and Dave will ever have sex is really intense. “They think with the head, and I’m not talking about THIS head,” said Julia, to which her linen-suited mate replied “you never know till you try.” Those chances were looking slim on their return to Auckland, where Julia immediately left to catch up with Sam, while Dave watched from the balcony, smoking a dart.

Cue 1 x HUGE FIGHT. Dave was upset that Julia spends crucial time with Sam instead of him, and accuses her of being a totally different person. Julia says that she needs another emotional outlet, and that they have taken a very big step backwards. Also, she’s sensing jealousy, which made me wish for another James Mustapic joke for the road.

At the dinner party, the most important thing that happened is Dave quoted Family Guy, a show previously only enjoyed by The Spinoff’s television editor Sam Brooks. Everyone then jumped on the opportunity to neg Dave within an inch of his life, trying to decide if he looked more like Peter Griffin, or more like a Big Baby. Omg, guess what I just realised.

Just when I thought I couldn’t scream-laugh any harder, Julia decided to visit a CLAIRVOYANT who lives in a CARAVAN to tell them if they should STAY TOGETHER. The psychic communicated with some weirdly horny angels, whose only piece of feedback for the pair was that they have clearly not consummated their relationship. Then, we got the most incredible piece of editing on the show yet. Whoever did these flash-forwards deserves either a pay rise or to be hurtled deep into the recesses of space. Perhaps both.

At the vow renewal ceremony, Julia walked in weeping, which is always a reassuring start to marital proceedings. Big Baby had clearly just had a bottle and a nap, because he was totally assured and steadfast in his ending of the relationship. Julia wept some more, and they hugged for so long that the ice caps melted around us and Wayne finally caught a defrosted barracuda to marry. Can I be honest though?

This is the most depressing episode of Family Guy I have ever seen. [Can I direct you to the episode where Brian and Stewie get locked in a bank and reminisce on the meaning of life? – TV editor Sam Brooks, thoroughly skewered]

4) Monique and Fraser

Okay, deep breaths, love doesn’t exist and you will never be truly happy because Monique and Fraser have decided to call it quits. I thought it was all going so well! They held hands on the way to Cakes and Ladder, where they played Mancala and Robot Fighting and OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS TINY SIGN THAT SAYS “DIX” ON IT WTF?

Did you see his dix tho?

There was also this beautiful domestic scene before the dinner party: him wearing what can only be described as a waistcoat, her potentially making fake champagne using only a Soda Stream and good ol’ Kiwi ingenuity. Hang it in the Louvre.

A gorgeous wee piece

The commitment ceremony was tense, and Fraser was wearing his feelings on his t-shirt that featured an angry emoji and the statement “EVERYONE DENOUNCED YOU” which I am going to guess is something from… a game. But yes. The spark wasn’t there, he felt he had invested too much, he claimed to be running on empty. They went to Rainbows End to save the relationship, but it just ended up looking like Fraser having an existential crisis alone on the Log Flume.

I’d also like to seize this opportunity to talk about the time I saw Michael Murphy playing ‘Blurred Lines’ to nobody at Rainbow’s End and it was very chilling and I still feel like there’s time for it to lead the 6pm bulletin even though it happened over three years ago. Things ground to a halt, ironically, under the corkscrew coaster. Even if the relationship is in turmoil, Fraser’s pristine TV-crying ft. black fade out should win an Oscar and probably a Pulitzer for good measure.

“There’s no scientific formula to finding love, people should be aware of that.” Too little, too late, Monique. I gave my all to this relationship, now you’re telling me you are just going to be FRIENDS and only get married (again) if you’re both single at 34?! I’m too depressed even for Fraser’s bow tie to cheer me up.

3) Sam and Tayler

Sam’s walls have gone up and down like a prairie dog in the desert this week. Tayler was grinding his gears (do you not watch Family Guy?) with his annoying hangover, but it wasn’t annoying enough to distract from the extremely cool fact that he was clearly reading about himself in this here magazine.

At the dinner party, Sam’s first bit of praise for their relationship was that they had “won New Zealand over from the start.” Hmm, I found a powerful pic of New Zealand on Google Maps the second that moment happened, and it really speaks volumes. Wow. Just wow.

Two or three wall demolitions and constructions later, the pair decided to leave the experiment and spend some time apart. They returned for the reunion special looking stronger than ever, claiming to have spoken every day they were apart. I am extremely confused and yet, happy for them. Who would have thought?

2) Wayne and Gareth

There were a lot of unfunny gay jokes made about this “bromance” (drown masculinity in moisturiser tbh), but I’m happy these two have got something out of this. Besides, at least Wayne’s World got a sequel. Party on.

1) Dan and Yuki

These sick freaks are so in love that they wear the same clothes every time they hang out and now I wear exclusively ripped jeans and flannel shirts too. They entered the experiment giggling together and they will almost certainly leave it giggling together. I want to shout out Yuki in particular for indulging in one of national beers and influencing me to buy 10 gallons of Asahi.

Take me money

During their final date together, Dan looked at the menu and said “shit almighty” which just about sums up everything that has ever happened. Yuki joked about ordering two “happy ending” cocktails, a dangerous jape causing Dan to laugh so hard that it sent a meteor off course and headed on a trajectory straight towards Earth, where a young budding astronomer named Elijah Wood is gazing up at the stars through his telescope.

Dan, probably cracking up at the latest climate change report

Thank christ we got at least one fairytale ending. “Any challenges we face we will get through it together,” said Yuki, promising to be a best friend and a travel buddy to The Laughing Electrician. If there was one criticism I could offer, I feel like we could have got a better kiss, but that’s a pretty weird thing to say about two people you’ve never met so I’ll probably just keep that one to myself.

HONOURABLE MENTION

Shout out to Jared Wilkinson for forever immortalising the moment of the season. Maybe it’s the best moment in television history? Heeeeeeeeeeere’s Samuel!

Keep going!
Julia’s issue with David’s masculinity has deeper roots than MAFs is perhaps wiling to investigate or address.
Julia’s issue with David’s masculinity has deeper roots than MAFs is perhaps wiling to investigate or address.

Pop CultureOctober 23, 2018

‘He’d be more comfortable in the kitchen’: The problem with MAFS and masculinity

Julia’s issue with David’s masculinity has deeper roots than MAFs is perhaps wiling to investigate or address.
Julia’s issue with David’s masculinity has deeper roots than MAFs is perhaps wiling to investigate or address.

Julia dropped a metrosexual bombshell on Married at First Sight this week. Dejan Jotanovic goes deep on the implications of this, and what’s behind our society’s relationship to masculinity.

Married at First Sight pegs itself as the ultimate experiment. Six couples are forced to not only cope with clashing values and combusting pasts, but the scrutiny of three seasoned “relationship experts” and the #mafsnz hashtag. The matrimony of perfect strangers all so quickly climaxes into the exploration of their collective imperfections. But what I find most fascinating is what the experiment unwittingly reveals about our own expectations and attitudes, as we – its viewers – are invited to become its armchair sociologists.

Much could be written on the politics of MAFS…  How much is our perception of Ksenia’s iciness a consequence of her Russian heritage? What is the historical importance of representing women that actively don’t want children (hey Ottie) on national television? Could Yuki’s hair be the key to bipartisanship? Some politics are playful, others far less so: I’ve previously written about how Sam and Tayler’s scene on HIV prevention capitalised on drama at the damaging expense of public health.

But one narrative has provided both saliency and longevity in its politics: Julia’s issue with Dave’s masculinity… or lack thereof. Just watching the show you’d almost think it was 2002 and that David Beckham was relevant again just by the number of times Julia says the word metrosexual.

One scene has them both doing a little household DIY. It doesn’t end well.

“I think he’d be more comfortable in the kitchen and doing the vacuuming, while I’d have to bang in the nails,” Julia notes, “Does that mean our roles would be reversed? That’s not what I’m looking for.”

Ouch.

Julia and David from Married at First Sight NZ.

Watching at home in the very real year of 2018 makes this all incredibly frustrating. Julia’s language around gender had some pretty toxic implications: for this marriage to have worked, Dave would have needed to forgo his authentic self and conform to a traditional image of masculinity. From what we’ve seen of Dave he’s sweet, thoughtful, funny, and really cares about his skincare routine. But it’s exactly this level of what Julia understands as femininity (I refuse to use metrosexual ever again in this piece) that becomes a hurdle against any physical attraction or sexual intimacy.

Wanting to bang one of Julia’s nails in your own head for her regressive commentary is also compounded by the fact that we’re living in this very real and very politically heightened time. 2018 is a year marked by the public deconstruction of masculinity and manhood thanks to global narratives from the #metoo movement. An influx of sexual misconduct, assault and gendered violence allegations have resulted in a (much needed) interrogation of why men (statistically) do the things they do. These discussions have resulted in a labelling of toxic masculinity; traits associated with manliness that contribute to men’s overall sense of entitlement to space, power, women’s bodies, and their own emotional and moral decay.

Gender, we can mostly agree on, is a social construct, meaning we become authors to its playbook through years of repetition and storytelling. We assign gender at the first sight of biological sex, and then systematically teach little boys and little girls two very different guidebooks for life. The result is differences in aesthetic, attitudes and behaviour. While it’s true that gender in all its wicked traditional binary has more nuance than I perhaps give it credit for (not all iterations of manhood are inherently corrupt and bad), all up 2018 is not a wise time to be fetishising masculinity. Sorry Julia, this ain’t it!

We also know that broader New Zealand holds some prickly attitudes on gender. Published by Gender Equality NZ, the 2017 Gender Attitudes Survey showed that gender stereotypes are still very much kicking: one in five agreed that a man who doesn’t fight back when pushed around will lose respect as a man, around 20% believed engineering was more suitable for men, one in four thought nursing was better suited to women, and around 25% of respondents agreed that “gender equality has come far enough in New Zealand”.

The group lead by the National Council of Women also focus on broadening our concept of manhood, identifying that our “strong ideas about being a man put sexual prowess, being strong and making money above empathy, being kind and vulnerability.” The Good Guys campaign aims to expose, question and mitigate against the more toxic elements of masculinity and argues that these internalised attitudes can become dangerous: “heavy drinking, poor health and dangerous driving. They create barriers for male survivors of sexual violence to get help. They contribute to men using violence towards women and other genders – from sexual harassment to catcalling to partner violence to rape.”

With this in mind it’s understandable why much of the #mafsnz Twitter commentary would find Julia’s thoughts troubling. One of the top tweets with the most amount of likes/retweets follows, “julia banging on about dave not being masculine is so toxic. We NEED our men to be able to express their genuine selves and not have to conform to some fake idea of being a man.” This is an extremely fair and beautifully hopeful sentiment.

What’s missing from the analysis is that Julia’s attitude is an inconveniently honest and fascinating portrayal of a current tension with masculinity we need to get better at negotiating. It’s interesting because it shows the chasm between the world that is and the world that ought to be. Julia’s admission of wanting Dave to be “masculine” is perhaps less a conscious process of her own decision making, and more a symptom to the deeply embedded playbook of strictly binary gender she’s had to learn all her life. But it also reveals that the reproduction of masculinity – and its favorability – isn’t exclusive to men. It’s Julia, not Dave, that craves it most.

The politics of Julia and Dave highlight the teething period of a new world order, one where we’re required to try make sense of everything gained by the #metoo movement, shifting power dynamics, and disturbances to the status quo. Today we’re told to be suspicious and cautious of masculinity, but this wariness comes face to face with the harsh reality that many of our desires for intimacy and sex are rooted in our traditional understanding of gender and manhood. It’s difficult to not find masculinity attractive, when it’s all we’ve ever known to do. There’s no doubt that Julia wants to want Dave – but the question is how can she unpick the seams that years of socialising have stitched?

The answer is difficult and maybe a little too tricky for this armchair sociologist, but if we’re to believe that gender is a matter of repetition and storytelling then there’s definitely hope. Because – much like our MAFS couples are made to revisit and reissue their wedding vows – these stories can also be rewritten.

But wait there's more!