Harry Styles isn’t the only celebrity set to be on our shores come census night. Alex Casey assesses the smorgasbord of stars who could be nestled among the statistics.

Last week, music magazine Coup De Main asked a question into the ether that sent both star spotters and statistics stans into a frenzy. “Important question for 2023 Census,” the post began, “will Harry Styles also have to do the census on March 7th with the rest of New Zealand?”. Census NZ was quick to reply, making headlines across the mediasphere: “Everyone who is in Aotearoa New Zealand on census night, needs to be counted in the 2023 Census,” they wrote.

“This includes tourists, visitors, and Harry Styles.” 

When asked why the census extends to visiting celebrities, Simon Mason, deputy chief executive for census and collection operations, explains that the census counts the entire population every five years, providing data that can be compared across time. “By asking everyone in New Zealand on census night to complete the census, we can determine from the data who lives here and who doesn’t,” he says,

As stated in this handy explainer, The Data and Census Act 2022 requires that everyone in New Zealand on census day fills out the forms. If you don’t, it is technically breaking the law, and submitting incomplete or inaccurate information can lead to fines of up to $2000. Visitors should receive a census pack at the premises they are staying such as hotels and motels, and are only required to complete the first 10 questions on the form.

So, aside from Styles, who are the lucky celebrity visitors lined up to sprinkle their dazzling statistics into our humble civilian soup? Very used to being “trapped in boxes”, comedian Rob Brydon should have no trouble checking some boxes after performing in Christchurch’s Town Hall next Tuesday. Julia Jacklin might feel some “pressure to party” after her show at Wellington’s Opera House, but we strongly suggest she does the census first. 

Further north, Wet Leg can pull up a “chaise lounge” to complete their census after opening for Harry Styles, and Pavement will have to find a “shady lane” in which to fill out their forms before performing at The Civic. West Auckland visitor Jason Momoa could be facing a new type of “Justice League” (the Data and Census Act) if he doesn’t do his homework. Greg Davies, spotted in Morningside this week, will have a new “task to master” if he ‘s planning to stick around. 

It’s an impressive line-up that would surely blow any other census out of the water with its starpower, but there’s only one way to be sure. Our last census night was March 6, 2018, the very same night that James Blunt performed to what our own Madeleine Chapman described as a “lacklustre” Auckland crowd. “The worst part of the James Blunt concert was the crowd,” she wrote in her review. “The best part was everything else.” Census included? 

Chapman does not remember Blunt mentioning the census and, although she found time to rank all of his albums from least to most sad, admitted she had no memory of completing the census herself in 2018. James Blunt’s booking agent did not respond to The Spinoff’s request for comment. Other celebrities who just missed the 2018 census include Barack Obama (arrived March 24) and Ed Sheeran (arrived March 25, although his Dunedin mural would have been taking shape on census day). 

Let us go further back in history to census night on March 5, 2013. The English cricket team would have just finished day two of their third test against the Black Caps, so you can imagine they might have cooled down with a quick census. Once again, Ed Sheeran was set to perform at the then-TSB Arena in Wellington on March 8 and, given what we know about his penchant for lurking about in the regions, was probably already here (actually, best we assume that Ed Sheeran is weirdly aiming to be here for every census).

On census night of March 7, 2006, Fort Minor performed at Auckland’s St James Theatre. The side project of Mike Shinoda from Linkin Park, you’ll probably remember the song that opened the show – “this is ten percent luck / twenty percent skill / fifteen percent concentrated power of will.” Although Shinoda’s merch store did not respond to The Spinoff’s request for comment, we can reveal that the 2006 census results contained as many, if not more, percentages than his hit song. 

The 2001 census was held on March 6, while Lord of the Rings was filming pick-ups. According to OneRing.Net, Elijah Wood was overheard saying “he had to catch a flight back to New Zealand in the morning” on January 24, 2001. Safe to assume Wood had been here for at least a few months, leaving him ripe for the census. According to his extremely wholesome blog, Sir Ian McKellen “did not pass” customs (come back for Gandalf pick-ups) until April 13, 2001. 

From a brief look back through our census history, it is clear that this year we are in for our strongest showing of celebrity statistics. When asked how 2023 sits in the pantheon of celebrity censuses, Mason is keeping schtum. “Information supplied in the census is private and confidential, so we couldn’t confirm that.” Of course, none of this matters unless the celebrities actually do the census, empowering Mason to make one final plea to the VIP cohort scattered across the motu. 

“Our message to Harry, Rob, Julia and everyone else visiting and staying in our fine country on Census night is this,” began Mason. “Kia ora, thanks for coming to our wonderful country. You picked a great time to be here.  We’d love you to be counted while you’re here, so please complete your census form. Ngā mihi.”