The Spinoff’s winners and losers of the week.

• It was a bad week for humanity and the world and peace and co-operation between nations and the rules-based global order and the price of petrol and the millions of people in the Middle East whose lives are at risk. Just a really, really bad week all around. 
• It was a bad week for Christopher Luxon. After a bumbling press conference and a dire new poll, the prime minister is under the greatest pressure of his political career. In an unexpected twist, the US-Israeli attacks on Iran may trigger regime change in New Zealand.
• It was a bad week for the fourth estate. Newstalk ZB’s Barry Soper, the kaumātua of political journalism, was so upset about Luxon’s poor performance that he argued reporters should stop asking the prime minister hard questions. 

• It was a good week for All Blacks fans. The team will surely be restored to its former glory now that it has appointed another coach who looks permanently pissed off. 
• It was a bad week for New Zealand’s national pride. Mark Carney, governor of the US state of Canada, praised Australia as the first country to give women the vote. New Zealand got defensive: universal suffrage is basically our claim to moral superiority, and given our recent UN stance on Israel and general capitulation to the US, it may be our last.

• It was a good week for Masterton, which is hosting the Golden Shears International Shearing and Woolhandling Championships. There were some concerns that the competition could be affected by the government’s plans to ban ‘Nudify’ apps, but officials confirmed the new laws wouldn’t apply to sheep. 
• It was a bad week for Chris Bishop, who appears to be lost somewhere in Auckland without a map. 

• It was a good week for the Black Caps, who defeated South Africa to advance to the finals of the T20 world cup. They’ll face India at 2:30am on Monday, which economists are already factoring into next week’s workplace productivity figures.
• It was a bad week for the New Zealand woman who was charged for trying to smuggle 38kg of methamphetamine into Australia. Honestly, just pay the extra baggage fee. Jetstar always gets you in the end.
• It was a good week for bogans, whose trans-Tasman relationship has been cemented with Jetstar’s new direct Christchurch-to-Perth route. Flight attendants will offer passengers a selection of VB, Rothman Blues, mince pies and blue Powerade.